Beyoncé Opens Up About Multiple Miscarriages: It 'Taught Me That I Had to Mother Myself'

Credit Elle Magazine

Beyoncé‘s road to motherhood was not without its bumps, but they have taught her some valuable lessons.

In a January 2020 cover story for Elle magazine, the 38-year-old pop, hip-hop and R&B powerhouse gets candid about pregnancy losses she endured before she and husband JAY-Z welcomed daughter Blue Ivy in 2012, and how it affected the way she looks at her career and life trajectory.

“I began to search for deeper meaning when life began to teach me lessons I didn’t know I needed,” she answered a fan via Instagram, who asked if the singer was “disappointed not winning” more accolades for her album Lemonade and documentary Homecoming.

The latter was nominated for six Emmy Awards this year and won zero, while Lemonade lost out on album of the year at the 2017 Grammy Awards, to Adele‘s 25 — a turn of events that even Adele, 31, had something to say about.

“Success looks different to me now. I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift,” adds Beyoncé, who also debuts her new gender-neutral IVY PARK x Adidas collaboration line in Elle. “Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else.”

Beyoncé and JAY-Z, 50, would go on to welcome three children over the years: twins Rumi and Sir, 2½, and daughter Blue, who turns 8 next month.

“Then I had Blue, and the quest for my purpose became so much deeper,” the "Formation" singer recalls of the time following her miscarriages. “I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger.”

“It’s difficult for me to go backwards,” Beyoncé continues. “Being ‘No. 1’ was no longer my priority. My true win is creating art and a legacy that will live far beyond me. That’s fulfilling.”